Thursday, August 6, 2009

Noonday Writings

I survived my two days of night shifts! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and there was actually some down time when I got to converse with the doctors. It's always fun to talk to them about what I should do: Should I try to go to Med school? Or should I go to P.A. school first? One of the P.A.'s told me that he deeply regretted not going to Med school, and actually got into a school four years ago, but he couldn't fathom giving up his income to go. They also of course pointed out that if I ever wanted to have children or a family, that PA school probably was best.

That's one thing that I think about, but I really don't have anyone to plan that sort of thing with. I'm not dating anyone, and the one person who I can't seem to get out of my head hasn't talked to me in weeks. I'm undecided about having children, but I figure I can always adopt a child if I waited until I was too old to have them myself. I think decisions of this sort would be easier if I was in a position where I was dating someone for a long time and we were thinking of marriage. Since I'm not, maybe I should be a bachelorette and say that I'll never have these least not anytime soon. Could I find someone to love me and have children when I'm over 30? Is this possible? This is a 20-generation area where people get married out of high school. I'll probably be the last of my friends to get married at this point. However, marriage shouldn't be that important to someone...but for some reason, I seriously have considered PA school just so I could possibly have a life and a family earlier in life. I just don't know.

When I got off work this morning, I walked into the parking lot and the nice security guard walked me to my car. I have to say that I really appreciated him calling me cute or pretty or whatever he said. Lately I've been feeling like I stick out and pretty wouldn't be the first thought that would come to mind if I looked in the mirror. Thanks security guard guy. Thanks for making sure no one kidnapped me, even though I'm sure they still could have because let's face it, we're about the same size. But mostly, thanks for telling me I'm pretty :)

After listening to hellogoodbye for so long, I've decided I want a eukelele again. I had one as a small child, but to have one now would be sweet. I could write ridiculous little songs about people and sing them to small crowds with my teeny case out so people could throw money at me. I had a dream that I wrote songs about some of the people who matter the most to me, but I don't remember any of the lyrics. Ukelele's are surely cheaper than a guitar, so maybe if I find some extra work somewhere I can afford to buy one.

As I mentioned before, I am reading "Finding Alaska" by John Green. As I got further into the reading, all I could do was think of the boy in Austin that I haven't talked to in almost a month. I don't know why, but I think in my sleepy state, I get super emotional. All rational thinking is slowed and emotions come easier. I almost starting crying reading this book, not necessarily because it was sad, but I had this horrible feeling that something like this would happen to me. Not me dying, or coming close, but rather have someone who I care deeply about but don't really know die and me feel absolutely horrible for not doing more when I could have. Perhaps I felt this because I was so tired, but it really bothered me. Oh, and Melissa, you hooker, what is with you suggesting things that seem so happy and enjoyable in the beginning that take a turn for the worse! Steve Prefontaine for example here. And now this book. How could you.

Today I'll have to do some Nutrition homework, but that won't take long. I'm going to workout with Melissa at some point today and then hopefully finish this book. Work tomorrow at noon, so I don't have to go to bed too terribly early. Hopefully my sleeping schedule will readjust and I won't fall asleep tomorrow at work.

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