Monday, October 19, 2009

Forewarning: Rant

So it's come to my attention many many times, that people in the East Texas area do not appreciate the fact that I'm a vegetarian. Okay, you don't have to agree or want to be a vegetarian and I'm not trying to push my beliefs on you. That's right, these are beliefs and morals. I don't go around saying that all meat eaters are murderers and that what they are doing is wrong. I might not agree with what they're doing, but I'm not throwing paint on people with fur coats or yelling obscenities about them.

In my mind, pointing out that I'm a vegetarian and saying how dumb I am because it's still killing in some sort of way, is like pointing out people who believe in Christ and telling them how their religion is stupid. A person should be able to believe in what they choose and shouldn't be ridiculed for such things. It's really frustrating knowing that so many people are intolerant, and don't even realize that what they're doing is just as bad as what extremists do with their beliefs. By ridiculing me, you're doing the same thing that you're disagreeing with. I know that there are people out there who will get in someone's face and tell them that they're wrong for eating meat, but I am not one of them. To each man their own, and who am I to tell them what to do. I simply implore you that the next time you feel like telling someone their ideals are stupid, think and bite your tongue.

Of course, this idea doesn't only affect people who are vegetarians, but people who have alternative lifestyles, or aren't mainstream Christians. People in the world are always going to be close minded to others beliefs, but the ability to not say anything is a thing of intelligence. No one should be made fun of for what they think or do, but tolerance should be main priority. For example, when I go the gym and see that someone has the hunting channel on, I am disgusted by it. However, I do not start yelling at people for watching it or throw a fit and demand that it be changed. I simply ask if anyone is watching it and if not, I change the channel. Of course, I can not comprehend how someone would want to watch people killing animals, especially when they aren't going to do anything with the animal but kill it. In my opinion, this is like watching a person die in front of you while you stand there and let it happen. I don't know anyone who would want to watch people being killed, and I relate this idea to watching animals being killed. Regardless, I speak of this only to state my beliefs and not to put down people who do actually like that. It's difficult for me to bite my tongue and not say anything, but I do.

Please understand what I am trying to relay here: Be tolerant of others beliefs and morals and keep negative statements to yourself. If you don't like it or agree, then fine. Simply don't say anything, and you definitely don't have to change your own ideals. Sorry for the rant, but it was lying heavily on my heart tonight. I could go on, but I'll end here.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Far Too Much

Today has been a typical lazy Sunday. I slept in until noon and then wrote a couple of papers. I also stuffed my face all day long, and slightly regret it right now. Far too much food is occupying my stomach. However, I didn't eat much yesterday, so I feel like I'm making up for it. Work days are always days where I don't eat much. Not enough time, and I always forget to bring something.

Not much has been going on this past week. I've just been going to class, learning, working, and trying to have somewhat of a social life. I've been going to the gym and working towards my thirteen miles. I'm no where close to where I'd like to be, but I still have until March to get there. Now if I could only get my eating habits in check, I'd be so much better off.

So I met a guy, and it's working out pretty well. I have to say it's been a long time since I've been attracted to someone like I am to him. He gives me that butterfly-in-your-stomach feeling and he's pretty much ridiculous, which I absolutely like. It's still in the beginning processes, but who knows what might happen. I think just finding someone that you enjoy to be around and spend time with is enough for me. I have a good feeling that he feels about the same as I do, so we'll see where this goes.

Plans for this week are to study for my tests on Thursday, work Tuesday as a Night Owl at the camp, and work Friday at the hospital. This is the week that I also plan on waking up early and going to the gym. If I go in the morning, I'll get it out of the way and not have to worry about making time for it later. I might be going to Dallas this weekend with friends, but I'm not sure about those plans. Here's to starting a new week with new ideas and new goals :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

This Week So Far

I really should be doing some homework, but the need to write called. Plus it won't take me long to do my homework, and it won't take me long to write this either.

Let's see...the weekend was spent mostly sleeping. I don't know if my iron or B12 are off or what, but I have been dragging my heels for the past couple of weeks. The weekend full of sleep was nice, and I only had to work one day. I worked my first 6pm shift, which turned out to be easier than I thought it would be. I mean, the work load was the same as usual, but I was glad that I didn't fall asleep.

My sister was here this past week, and I got to see her a little bit. I took her back to the airport on Sunday, but she'll be back this weekend for a wedding. I'm a little sad that I don't get to go to the wedding with her, but there is a necessity for money in my life, and the only way to make money is to work.

So I'm quite excited about my future prospects as of late. It's really nice to meet new people and make friends. I have to say that I have actually started to notice the changes that people have commented on. I think I am a happier, more outgoing person than I was two years ago. I definitely don't have as many personal issues as I did then, and life seems a lot better. Perhaps it's the fact that I only have one more year of school, some of the best friends a person could ask for, and a new love interest that have contributed too this feeling of euphoria. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments of gloom, but they are heavily outweighed by happiness.

I would really love to gush about people I have met recently, but I'm going to spare them and not take a chance of possibly embarrassing them. Just know that they are pretty awesome people, and I look forward to spending more time with them. And to those friends that I never get to see due to the distance in between us, I hope you know that I care and would love to come see you. I just need to have a vacation in order for that to happen. That's one thing I'll enjoy once I'm done with school: being able to have a job, but still schedule time to where I can travel and see people.

Okay so I started running finally. My lungs have finally overcome their illness and have no more complaints. I didn't run far today, and now I want to go again. Running = happiness = better life. Plus running keeps you in shape and makes you feel better about yourself. I just can't wait until March to see myself running a half and actually finishing it. So exciting.

Now I will go do my homework, and enjoy some relaxation before I go get some extra study help. I'll try and update more, and in more detail because I know this one was kind of vague. I just want to get people's permission to talk about them before I do; you know, so they don't get upset.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Lack of Sleep May Make This Incomprehensible

This week has been full of adventure. Let's start from the beginning.

Monday I had the usual day of school and I started the counselor job that night. By the time we got there, the kids were tired and wanted to stay inside. It was fun for the most part, but I forgot what the mentality of a 5th grader was. Girls definitely do not like bees or roaches, and they are extremely ridiculous. I guess I was probably the same way, minus the not liking bugs thing. The only downside of camp was the fact that I didn't sleep well at all. I don't know if it was the bed or the fact that I had a test the next morning, but I was awoken every hour or so. Regardless to say, I was quite tired when it came time to take my test. However, this didn't hinder my abilities and I made an exceptional grade on my test :)

Tuesday was also a great day. My friend Bryan came over once I got out of class and we went to Andy's. I got a Snowmonster which was delicious. Then, my mum and I went to get my sister at the airport. She's visiting for the week from Missouri and it's good to see her again. After that, my sister and I went to eat with my good friend at Sonoma Grill. Once again, a great choice for dinner. Definitely will be eating there again, just for the grilled vegetables and salads. Anyhow, that was a fun night. Lots of good things happened, and overall it was a good night.

Wednesday I worked the mid-day shift which wasn't too bad. I didn't get much sleep due to getting home around one, but I thoroughly enjoyed working. Nothing really exciting, but the doctor was a lot of fun :)

I got my A&P test back today, which I already knew the grade, but one little thing made it awesome: A smiley face at the top of the page. I don't know why, but little things like that make me overly happy. To know that my professor thought I did well enough to draw a smiley face makes my day. Other than that, the day was monotonous and I finally took a nap for the first time this week. I feel less tired, but I could probably pass out right now. Tomorrow I don't have to work, so sleeping a lot sounds good.

My school's homecoming is this weekend, but I don't think I'll go. I really don't care to see anyone except for the few people I already see on a regular basis from school. Plus, my basketball coach lives right next to my mum so I can see her anytime. Homecoming seems like a silly idea, but maybe the more social people enjoy it.

Okay so things to do this weekend: Write lab reports and papers, work, study for classes, run and sleep a lot, and see my family. Nothing really exciting going on, but it's okay. A nice relaxing weekend will be nice.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Let's Pick Up

Friday was full of exciting cases at the hospital. Bizarre things happen when you least expect them, and Friday seemed to be a continuous flow of it. I really enjoy working there, and I'd probably volunteer if I didn't get paid to do my job. It's good experience and is a nice way to determine whether or not I'm going to want to do this for the rest of my life.

Yesterday I worked again, but it was more of a typical day. After work I went and ate at Fiore with a friend. I've never been there, but it wasn't too bad. I thought it was funny that the hostess was embarrassed about seating us. She made a big deal about not having a table for two people except by the bar. I could really care less where I sit in a restaurant as long as I'm not in the kitchen. Though, the kitchen might be fun, as long as they let me help. Fiore is an Italian restaurant and we ordered a pizza with artichokes and red peppers. I know, I know: It's lame to order a pizza when you go to an Italian place. However, it was highly suggested and it turned out to be decently good. I'd say this is a nice place to go if you're tired of eating at Olive Garden.

Now a change of topic and a little bit of seriousness. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about death. It's probably because I've seen a lot of people die lately, and my grandmother (who I never really knew) died and it has had an effect on my life. Here's the story: My mum has never really been close to her mother and she always joked that she'd be happy when her mother died. I know that she's not happy about it, but it's interesting to see how different things can be without the presence of someone. Now, my mother has been talking to her brother (who she also hasn't talked to in years) and has been helping him out with everything. It's kind of sad that the death of someone is what had to happen for them to talk again. Hopefully my mum doesn't mind me talking about this, but it's different.

Also, I have met a lot of military boys recently and they tell me about what they've seen or done while in service. The fact that one of my friends is about to go into the service has really bothered me. To know the date that he leaves makes you realize that these next couple of months could be the last time I talk to him. I know that's morbid to think of, but it could be reality. I know this is all could be's, and that's not a way to live; to always think of the worse possible scenario. I guess I just care for the safety of people. My basketball coach in high school told me that's why she thought I'd be great at a profession where I take care of people. I'd rather sacrifice my time to help someone in need. If I could enlist and be a medic, I totally would. Instead, I will try my hardest to get to the point that I can practice medicine and take care of the population.

So death is imminent, but at my age people never think that they're going to die. Death could happen at any time, and someone could be taken away in a matter of seconds. Life is precious, and I guess that's just what point in life I'm at. I think about what I'd like to say to people before I die, and maybe I should tell them now so that there won't be any question about how I felt. Living life to the fullest and being honest with everyone seems like the way to go. Insecurities and embarrassment are the two things that probably hold people back. I think this is something that I'm going to work on. I'd prefer there not be any questions when I'm not living anymore, so I hope to make my thoughts and feelings very obvious.

Sorry for that whole splurge there. Just something I needed to write about, and you don't have to read it because you're not forced to. That whole statement makes me want to go workout now. I need to work on my health so that I can make those things possible.

Anyways...I'm going to workout around noon when the gym opens, and then I'm going to watch some football, write a couple of papers, and study for my Anatomy test. I hope your weekend went well dear reader. I greatly appreciate you reading this.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Whew It's Over

Finally done with all my tests! Only sad part is, one of my tests got moved to next Tuesday. At least I'll have some extra time to study :) My lab practical wasn't too bad, but I don't know how well I did. I have an extra incentive to do well in there, since I have already had three years of biology and plus, my lab TA is someone I'd like to impress. I tend to try a little harder when I care about what my teacher thinks. Plus academics are really important to me in the first place.

I also made it to the gym today. It was nice to stretch out my legs and run for a bit on the treadmill. I can tell my lungs haven't recovered from whatever sickness I had because I was sucking wind. I also played a round of racquetball with Jessica and one of the grad students. It was fun and made me miss playing sports. I really want to play basketball now; which I might make my kids at camp this next week play knock-out. That game is fun and I can join in :)

It's only 7 in the evening, and I'm uber tired. I'm going to attempt to sleep early so I can wake up and get some running in before work. I'm hoping lots of orthopedic injuries come in :) Those are my favorite. Not that I want people to hurt themselves or anything, but that type of visit beats out the usual abdominal or chest pain. I think emergency medicine is something I might choose as my specialty, or if I can manage to make it in the orthopedic world, I might do that. First I just need to get into med school!

I'm really excited about throwing my friend a birthday party on Oct 10th. She's never had her own celebration on the account that she's a twin, but this year she shall have her own. I really like doing this sort of thing for people. I hope it goes really well and she likes it. Just need to think of some awesome decorating ideas and things to make :) If you have any ideas, let me know.

This weekend I will hopefully have a chance to catch the Florida Gators game this Saturday at 6pm. I think I may have Sunday off work so that'll give me a chance to catch a NFL game too. This weekend is looking pretty good :)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Week de Examens

This week has gone pretty well thus far. I got back my Chemistry test and I made an A :) I had a Biogeography test Monday, and I probably could have done better, but I didn't feel too horrible about it. Quiz and a test today, which I feel good about both. Now all I have is an A&P lab test Thursday and my week of tests will be over! The lab test will probably be the hardest, but I'll study a lot tonight and tomorrow for it.

So I didn't start running yet... I feel like I'm on empty right now energy wise. However, I do feel the yearning to run. My legs are begging to be used, if you can understand that... Not being active makes me feel horrible. I need to make a schedule as soon as I know what days I must work this next month.

There are far too many distractions in my life right now. 18 hours of classes, 20+ hours of work a week, plus friends and family vying for my attention. I need to just suck it up and do what I know is necessary first, then have fun later.

I just realized I really have nothing to say. I'm kind of bored with my position right now. It's not overly fun or horrible. I want something more, but I'm not sure what that is. Maybe it will show itself soon...

I did have a dream about my ex last night. I don't know why, but I guess I miss that kid. He wasn't a bad person, but we definitely didn't agree on everything. He was kind of creeper in the sexuality department, but I'm pretty sure everyone is. I don't know if I could be his friend or not. I really want to, but it's probably best that I don't. Why is he on my mind so much? He'd probably be happy to know that I miss him, that douchebag. Oh well, if fate have it, we will have our friendship once again.

Besides dreams and tests, that's really all that's gone on. I am on a search for something; something that makes me happy and fulfilled.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Mustachio Pudding

Twitter is an awesome messaging device that lets you keep up with what your friends are doing, pretty much at any time of the day. As we, meaning Melissa, Josh, and I were chilling in our hotel in Dallas, we were reading aloud some tweets. Josh misunderstood the word pistachio for "mustachio" and so now pistachio pudding will forever be known as mustachio pudding. Who likes pistachio pudding? That just sounds gross...

Took my test Friday morning and I felt okay about it. Who knows how well I did. Every time I think I did okay, I do horribly. I'm sure I'll find out on Monday, after I take my first Biogeography test. I've been trying to study for that test, but it hasn't gone very well. I got called into work on Friday and had to work 3-12. I don't function very well at night, and so there was no studying.

Today, Melissa and I traveled to Dallas to shop around and have some fun before the Pride events happen tomorrow. Probably not the best idea to spend my weekend in Dallas when I have five tests next week, but I didn't want to bail out on my friends. Too bad most of them bailed out on us anyhow.

We checked into our hotel at around noon and then we went to eat of Fuddruckers. We came back to our hotel, and I got onto my laptop to check my email. As I'm sitting on the bed, I see a bug crawling towards me. No big deal really; I'm not afraid of bugs. However, this bug looks a lot like a bed bug...which is disgusting. I quickly google bed bugs to double check my assumption, and I was right. We call the front desk and inform them that we would like a refund so that we can go to another hotel. Luckily they didn't give us any trouble and we got a nicer room at the Radisson down the street. Ten dollars more and no bed bugs is worth it :)

Once Josh arrived, we hung out for a bit and then went to eat at Freebirds. We also found a family reunion pack of Shiner which looked promising. Melissa bought it for Josh, since it had one of his favorite types they make. I'm tempted to buy me a 6-pack before we head back to Tyler tomorrow just so I can try all of them.

Currently, I am watching the Texas vs Tech game and Texas is winning. It's only the second quarter, but hopefully Texas will win. Florida state beat Tennessee earlier. Maybe I'll try and get to a game this semester. I never have time to actually go to the games, but it'd be nice to see one. All I need to do is find someone who enjoys football like I do, and is hopefully a guy. I'm tired of people assuming things when they see me out with girls.

After being sick for two weeks now, I think I have finally recovered. Last night at work, I had to sign a waiver saying that I refused to get the flu shot and why. It's kind of ridiculous to force the flu shot upon people. I've never gotten one, and I definitely wasn't going to get one while my immune system is on the rebound. All of the doctors suggested I get the shot, which I may, but not at this point in time.

Monday I think I will begin my training for the half marathon that's in March. I need to be disciplined and wake up early and just run my heart out. I also need to be a good little vegan and be sure to not eat so much junk. I think this goal calls for some experienced advise, but I really don't know anyone who runs these. I have one friend that does, but I don't know if he would have the best advice. He's one of those people who any day of the week, he could probably go out and run thirteen or more miles for fun. My fun runs consist of maybe a mile or two. I have a long way to go, but I am sure I can get there. Discipline is all it takes.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and hopefully the parade will be a lot of fun. Afterwards I need to study study study and not be distracted. Don't really have any goals for tomorrow, besides knowing all the material for my test tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's Been A Week

Have you ever used Pandora Radio? It's pretty much the best thing, and I stay up late listening to it while I talk to people. I think my ears just want to be stimulated by music and they'd prefer not sleep. Good for my mind, but not so good when I need to stay awake in class.

Since last Wednesday, I have been sick, and still am slightly sick. If I could get this cough to go away, I'd feel much better. Oh and don't let anyone buy you Vitamin C drops when you're sick. They become addictive and you start using them like crack. It's like "Oh, my throat has a little tickle...where are those drops..." At 15 calories a pop, these should not be labeled as a healthy choice.

I worked all weekend, which was fun. Definitely saw a lot of cases of the flu in small children, so beware. Don't be all hysterical or anything, just be prepared to get sick.

Not much has happened this week. I did the normal routine, class, work out, sleep, repeat. I met my sister's friend this past weekend...I don't think he liked me since he hasn't talked to me since. It's okay though; I can't win all of them over.

This weekend I am going to Dallas with my two friends for the Pride events. However, it's supposed to rain all weekend, so I'm not sure how that will change our agenda. Maybe the weather will clear up and everything will go well :)

Test on Friday. No work this weekend. Lots of tests next week. Here's hoping everything goes well. I'll try and update more if something awesome happens.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I know, I know. I haven't written anything in a while...but I have excuses!

Let's recap: Saturday, I worked with the new doctor and he was a lot of fun. He reminds me a lot of my friends that I have, and it was nice to get to know him. Sunday, I also worked which was also fun. I really really enjoy my job and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Sunday night I went with my friends to a club in Dallas. Talk about fun. We ate at a restaurant called the Old Monk, which was a nice place. There were far too many drunk/smoking people, which I really don't care for. Overall, it was a good night and I'm looking forward to going back.

Monday was a holiday, so I spent most of my time working on my seminar. I gave my presentation today, which went decently well. It probably would have been a lot better had I of not been sick. Tuesday I lost my voice due to this sickness, and today I sounded like a transvestite. Luckily, I got through my seminar and made an A. I don't even care if I'm not a terrific speaker. I really don't plan of speaking in front of people during my career, so I'm not going to worry about it.

I also started a new adventure this week. I shall be a counselor for a camp and I get to plan activities and games for 5th graders. I've never done this sort of thing, but I hope it'll be a fun experience. I know a few people who will also be counselors, so that will hopefully make things easier. I'll let you know how things go with this. Sunday I get CPR certified for this position, which is definitely going to be awesome.

Other things that are going on: Pretty much nothing. I haven't worked out, which I'm going to attempt to tomorrow. I've also been working on some of my friendships. I have made a few new contacts and we'll see if they ever lead up to friendship status. I really hope they do, because so far, these people seem good. I could be wrong, but the thought of a best friend possibly happening is uber exciting to me :)

Anyways, I am tired. My immune system is swollen and the nyquil is kicking in. I'll try and update tomorrow, since I have a devious plan to enact.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Watch Out

So work today was pretty awesome. I really enjoyed working today and saw some pretty interesting injuries. I learned how to relocated a shoulder :)

Yesterday night, I hung out with Melissa and Becca. We went to eat at Villa Montez (which was okay, but I wasn't really impressed), played rockband, and went to Starbucks for Pumpkin Spice frapps. One thing that we talked about was what we were looking for in a mate. My specifications I was told were lame since half male population would fit in it. I guess saying that I just want a tall skinny white boy doesn't really get me far. I could add someone who likes to be outside and hiking/bicycling/canoeing/kayaking...I don't know. I think I'm just going to let fate happen and when that guy finds me, it'll be gravy.

Anyways, I really wasn't going to post anything but a conversation I had tonight made me decide to. Here's a short back story:

This summer, I met this guy who I couldn't believe would talk to me. I was awestruck, dumbfounded, enamored, and pretty much let my emotions flow freely. I was pretty much convinced that I was done for and I didn't want to see anyone but him. He lived kind of far away, but I went to see him (because that's how much of an idiot I am). Anyways, we had our fun that week and then I saw him once again later in the summer. The second visit I realized that my chances were over and done with. However, me being the girl I am, I didn't give up hope. Needless to say, it was all a big sham and I got the short end of the stick. I had already been dumped a month before hand and this just added onto it. What hurt the most was realizing that I had put a lot of myself into nothing, which made me realize how stupid I am. As you've probably read before, the emotions I felt were something new and amazing. If this was just a fluke, I really wonder what it's like to be happy with someone.

Anyways, this guy talked to me tonight and apologized to me for leading me on. Yeah, great, whatever. It really sucks bad to see how someone you thought so highly of is just like all the boys before him: A douche. The time I went to see him was pretty much just a booty call for him (and no, we didn't do anything R-rated, hardly PG). It sucks, and it sucks bad. Being apologized to made me feel even more idiotic. It's like "Oh, hey I realize that I duped you into thinking I really liked you, but I didn't, haha." Thanks. I doubt he even reads this, but if he does, he pretty much knows all of this. I told him. I'm still a bit sad over this and I shouldn't be. Stupid girl emotions.

Another idea I have, that I got from Becca, was to write a letter to my previous relationships and say goodbye. She's writing letters to her future husband, but letting go of someone might be easier if I just write what I wish I could say to them. Honestly, I probably could say it to them, but I don't think they'd appreciate it. It's not like I'm going to say nasty things about them, but rather they wouldn't believe it or they don't want to hear it. I know the last time I saw my most recent ex, he was quite upset about it. Putting people through emotional stress isn't something I like to do.

Sorry that this is kind of a crappy post. I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. I get to work with one of the newer doctors which is always exciting. Other than that, I will look forward to Sunday night. Hope you kids are doing swell.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

End of the Week

Let's start off with goals accomplished for yesterday:
1) I finished my seminar and now I just need my adviser to look at it
2) Worked out in the evening, but not in the morning. Waking up was not going to happen
3) Didn't fall asleep in class :)
4) I think I ate pretty well all day
5) Definitely talked to someone I want to know better

So my goals all pretty much were accomplished. I'll think of some more and put them at the end of this post.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Classes went well, I worked out, and managed to survive the day without being too exhausted. I've decided school is like a cold: It starts out and you slowly feel your immune system start to dwindle. Then you're exhausted, your head hurts, and all you want to do is sleep. I'm still in the beginning stages, but hopefully I can avoid the take down.

One eye opening event that occurred yesterday was the fact that I almost died. Literally. Now crossing the street shouldn't be a treacherous task. I looked both ways, and yes there were cars coming, but they appeared far enough away for me to cross. However, my judgment was wrong. The light blue car was definitely not going thirty but more like fifty. In the end, there was probably about a foot of space between me and the grill of the car. Luckily for me, I'm a fast walker or I probably wouldn't be writing this. This is not an exaggerated story, so be careful crossing the street. Dying from being hit by a tiny blonde girl really isn't the way I'd like to be remembered, so I'll have to convince myself to be more careful.

I did talk to a few people that I'd like to get to know better. I found the guy at the gym I used to see all of the time. He's a nice kid and so hopefully I can build on that friendship. I also talked to one of the grad students at school, which is kind of risky to talk about since someone might relay whatever I say about him to him. However, he is a person I'd like to get to know better, so I will try. I know his friends don't think very highly of me and that I don't even compare to his previous relationship, but I don't really care. I would just like to make some new friends and so I'm trying. I'm trying to focus on friendship, and if it blossoms into a relationship, I'm not going to complain.

My seminar is now in less than a week. I have the powerpoint, outline, and bibliography done, and now I just need to practice like crazy. Only problem is I have to work about 30 hours this weekend. Luckily, it's a holiday weekend so I'll have all of Monday to practice. Tuesday night I have training for a camp counselor position but I should know it pretty well by then.

Okay so there's nothing really interesting going on in my life right now. I had my first A&P lab today, and it's pretty much the best lab ever. A lot of "that's what she said" moments and inappropriate things go through my head, but I keep them to myself for the most part. I'm probably the oldest student in there, but I at least know some of the students. I'm definitely going to need to get an anatomy study partner, if you catch my drift...and I'm kidding...maybe...

Goals, goals, let me think...
1) Workout at least twice this weekend and tomorrow
2) Practice my seminar like a madman
3) Write my psychology paper

Sorry all of my posts are ridiculously long and talk about absolutely nothing. This next week should be pretty adventurous, so hang in there. Maybe I'll throw away my dreams and become a professional blogger. I'm pretty good at writing about nothing.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Insert Witty Title Here

So not much has happened in the past couple of days, thus why there hasn't been an update. I worked all weekend and didn't do any school work like I should have. I haven't had much want to do anything. I miss summer already.

This is the week before I have to speak in front of my peers/faculty members of the Biology department. Right now, I should tediously be working on my powerpoint so that I might have a perfect presentation and everyone will give me A's. This is a hit or miss thing. I only get one try to make a good grade, and it's even more stressful since I only have 2 weeks to work on it. There's two other people in the same boat as me, so hopefully we'll all do well.

My subject for my talk is fish and the causes of homogenization of freshwater populations. Sound boring? I thought it would be different from the usual, and I felt compelled to do something with fish since I had an intimate encounter with one last month. I don't remember if I stated this story here, so I'll repeat it.

When you go electrofishing, you're sending an electrical current through the water that essentially knocks fish unconscious. However, if the current isn't strong enough, the fish can try and swim out of harms way. So one day while electrofishing, I was walking with my net in the water trying to scoop up as many fish as I could. It just so happened that one of the larger fish in the water escaped the electrical pulse and tried to swim away....straight into my crotch. Talk about a weird feeling. I probably should have paid that fish for our encounter, but it readily swam away after gyrating into my groin. Funny story, I know.

Anyways, I hope my seminar talk goes well and I don't get too nervous. I'm supposed to advertise my talk around the biology dept. but I don't know that I will. I don't need people who I care about what they think about me coming and finding out how big of an idiot I am.

Let's think of some goals I should try and achieve tomorrow:
1) Finish my seminar powerpoint
2) Workout in the morning AND the evening
3) Don't fall asleep in class
4) Eat well all day
5) Talk to someone who I want to know better

If you read this, I hope your week is going well. I only know of two people who do, and I'm sure everyone else who does is probably someone who doesn't want me to know. Either way, glad you read this :)

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Weekend is Finally Here

I'm so glad that today was Friday. I definitely need a break already. I came home from class and took a nice nap, but the dreams I had with that nap weren't so appealing. I had a dream that the boy I'll never had and his girlfriend were hanging out with me and being all lovey and disgusting. It was very difficult to watch and I was quite glad to wake up. It seems so unfair. That could be me.

Anyways, last night I went to get my calculator back and I was surprised at how well it went. I got there before he got off work, so I talked to Walter while I waited. When he did get home, he was nice and asked about how I was. He let me go search for my calculator in his truck and I found some other items of mine. When I went back into the apartment, there was some girl there, who is probably his newest project. I could really care less who he's with, but my sixth sense told me he was upset. I guess he either didn't want me to see her (since he asked her to leave when I walked back in) or he was just surprised to see me. Either way, I guess it's good to know he still cares. I still mean something to someone, even if it's not enough to keep in touch with me.

I was supposed to hang out with this guy that I don't even know but I decided to contact on facebook. Risky I know, but I think I'm a pretty good judge of who a person is. He wanted me to meet him at Click's, but I didn't know the band playing and I was eating with Melissa and Becca. Maybe he'll call me within the next hour and we can hang out. Otherwise, I'm going to bed since I have to wake up at seven to go to work.

Tomorrow I work all day and the same goes for Sunday. I really need to get my class stuff together and start working on my seminar. I'm going to try and get the grad student to help me with my seminar in exchange for my help with identifying fish. I think it's a fair trade, and maybe we could become friends.

I decided to start reading my vegan book again. I'm going to take notes and begin my veganism again. I can't put it off anymore. I am killing myself with food. I prefer to die in some better way, so hopefully reading this book will kick-start my better way of life.

I've also decided that I really need to branch out and get some friends that none of my other friends know. That's one reason I decided to talk to the guy on facebook. It can't hurt to try and make new friends. Even if we don't end up being friends, at least I tried. I'm sure that someone will be a friend for me. I have to keep trying and be open. Wish me luck.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

First Days of School

Classes started Wednesday and I'm already feeling the pressure. It's not that my classes are hard, but I have so many projects to do already and they're due in 2 weeks. Sure two weeks should be plenty of time, but when you have three projects and one which determines your entire grade in the class, it's stressful.

One of these projects is for Seminar, which is the one shot for your final grade. I decided to work with Lance and do my seminar over fish and the homogenization of populations in the US. I've read a couple of the papers so far and my brain can hardly comprehend them. I don't have any clue what the models or statistical tests that they used are. Hopefully I can read them over a few more times and understand them better. I have about a week to prepare for this presentation, so hopefully I can get it done quickly.

The first two days of class were kind of difficult. It's hard to not take any classes for three months and then jump back into them. It was also disappointing to go to class and have no one to sit with. My friends stated they didn't recognize me with my new hair, but seriously, I would think you'd actively look for me when you know I'm in your class. Oh well. I guess I'll just be the loser who sits by herself once again. It's not like this is new or anything. Like I said previously, I really don't have any good friends that are in my classes.

I guess I'm kind of bummed out already. I haven't really wanted to work out and I feel crummy. It's probably my eating habits (which have been absolutely horrible) and my inability to handle stress. Maybe I'll start doing yoga or something. I think I'll also dig into all of this reading/studying I need to be doing already. What I really need to do is stop letting people talk me into staying and hanging out when I need to be doing something productive.

Tonight I'm going to go visit someone I stopped talking to and haven't spoken to them for about two months now. It was a necessary step for me to get over them and their horrible habits. I understand that people deal with stress differently, but sleeping with large numbers of people never crossed my mind as one of them. The only reason I'm going is to get my calculator back. Part of me still cares for this person, but I know that it's an unhealthy relationship for me to continue.

Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a new attitude. I only have class until eleven, and then I think I'll go workout. I think working out in the evening is far too late for me, which could be why I never feel up to it. Anyhow, here's to tomorrow being a good and accomplished day.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Yay Ice Cream

So what do you do when you have a hankering for ice cream and birthday cake but there isn't a birthday going on? Go to Braum's and get their birthday cake ice cream and manage to stick it up your nose as you're devouring it, that's what. Though for some reason, certain bites tasted like ham or bacon...

Six Flags totally went down yesterday. My sister and I picked up her friend Aki, who's from Japan and has never gone to Six Flags, and managed to ride every single ride in the park in 3 hours. It was a lot of fun, especially since we didn't have to wait in line for longer than 10 minutes. I remember how scared I used to be to ride roller coasters and yesterday I never had a tinge of anxiety about any of the rides. Maybe I am growing up and maturing. That or I have brainwashed myself into thinking I'm invincible.

Today I woke up around eight to go electrofishing with the grad students. We caught some huge fish, including a very menacing looking gar. There's nothing like spending the last two days of your summer outside walking through the river catching fish. I really enjoy doing it and it almost makes me want to go to grad school. However, I'm still not convinced that I'd have the stamina to get a Masters degree and go to med school.

School starts on Wednesday and I just bought my books today. The grand total of my books was around $800. However, this does include four books for my Mum's classes. Science books are always so expensive and I had to buy one of them brand new. Here's the classes that I am taking this semester:
Biogeography, Analytical Chemistry and lab, A&P and lab, Literature, Seminar, and Psychology
This is the most hours I have ever taken at once. Hopefully I can keep up and make all A's and manage to work on the weekends. I figure if I can work 8 shifts a month, that'll give me enough money for rent, bills, and food. I've been poor before, so I know how to survive on little money. Let's just hope my roomies learn that we can't have the air on 60 degrees so our electricity bill isn't $500 again next month.

Tomorrow I'll be out on the river again all day. If we get back in time, I'll go buy my parking sticker so I won't be ticketed on the first day of class. I also have to make a trip to my Mum's house to get my puppy back. I think I may make it into an adventure and invite some friends to go to Daquiri Express with me on the way. Nothing like drive-thru alcoholic beverages with the lid taped on to make the last day of summer complete.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday Night Blahs

Tomorrow is my last day of work for this week. I have to say that working every day really isn't that bad, but I'll be glad to have a break. I also have to take a quiz tomorrow over things I should know for work. Let's hope that goes well.

I really didn't do much this week but work, read, and workout. In the past two days, I managed to finish Catcher in the Rye. I really love this book. I know how it is feeling like a failure with no direction and feeling like no one really cares. Not to sound emo or anything, but I really wish I could find that one friend that I know will be there no matter what. I want to be THE best friend of someone for once. I'm just a free floating friend that people use for their entertainment, and I just so happen to benefit. I know that Melissa might get upset with my previous statements, because she's really been my only friend this entire summer. If we didn't hang out, I would have sat at home alone every night probably. I really appreciate her being there for me this summer, especially since my body is looking smoking from all this working out we've done. I tried being friends with boys, but they simply want to date me. No offense to them, but they're the boys I don't want to date. I want my tall skinny white boy who loves outdoors and comedy as much as I do and doesn't find my weird antics too much to handle.

Anyways, let's talk about physical fitness. I have been working out for the past month and what have I seen a difference in? Solely my arms. My arms have never been this strong and it's quite nice. However, and yes I know this doesn't totally matter, but I have continually gained weight this summer. I know my eating habits have a lot to do with it, but I thought adding an hour and a half of cardio/weights would make me lose something. I just want to be full body toned and have a sweet six pack. So for my next adventure, Melissa suggested we start training for a half-marathon that's in Dallas in March. I attempted to run one of these last summer, which lead to the discovery of my heart condition. I'm kind of anxious about trying again, but I think I'll recruit some help this time around. It'll be easier with Melissa training with me and I have until March to get there.

Things to look forward to:
1) Six Flags on Sunday. It's our last chance to go, so let's hope the stars align in our favor.
2) Electrofishing again :) I got a call today and I'm going out Mon/Tues and enjoying the last two days of my summer on the river. Probably the best thing I could do
3) School starts and so does my final year at UTT. Seventeen hours of class isn't too much... I hope.

I don't quite feel like setting any goals for tomorrow, but let's hope I do well on my quiz and get to workout. That's all I want.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Spontaneity Will Define This Next Semester

Let's start off with goals accomplished yesterday:
1 and 3)I totally managed not to toss my cookies. However, I'm still not fully over what I have. I don't think making it through work will be hard, but I'll avoid food for the most part just in case.
2) Didn't party at Outlaws...but rather a club in Dallas called S4...more on that later.
4) Didn't clean my room at all. I'm a slacker.
5) I think I know how my schedule will go for Fall. I'm taking the most hours I ever have.

Okay, so yesterday all I did was pretty much lie in bed. I woke up around 9am and slept on and off until about 6pm. Day wasted? Nah, I facebooked it up and read some Catcher in the Rye. My body probably needed a good rest after working so hard in the Neches and then getting ill. I feel quite a bit better, but any time I eat food, there's a horrible sharp pain in my stomach. Poor tummy, I've mistreated you for so long and now I get to pay for it. Maybe this is a sign that I should be a better vegetarian and go back to vegan.

Around 7pm yesterday, I get a call from Melissa who invites me over to hang out with her and Scott. Scott is the token gay guy in my life, and I really enjoy hanging out with him. He is the essence of entertainment pretty much. So I go over there, and we had already planned on going to Outlaws later that night anyhow, so we were talking about clubs and such. Scott spent the whole summer in Dallas, and he kiddingly suggested we go to a club called S4 he knew about in Dallas. Melissa and I were down, but we weren't sure if Becca would go with us since she had to teach Sunday School the next morning. I call her and to all our amazement, she says yes.

An hour later, we're in the car on our way to the gayborhood in Dallas. We've all decided that since it's pretty much our last year of college (except for Melissa) that spontaneous trips should be the definition of our lives. We get to the downtown area and we visit a bar that's near where we parked. Becca decides she's hungry, so we stop at a pizza place that I can not remember the name of. It was pretty much the best pizza ever. I don't know if it was so awesome because I hadn't eaten in two days, or if it was just that good. Once I remember the name of the place, it's going on my list of favorite Dallas eats.

After we eat, we go to S4 to get our dance on. There was a drag show going on upstairs, so we watched that for a while and then headed for the dance floor. The difference between straight clubs and gay clubs: people actually dance at the gay club. It was hard to be in a club with a bunch of attractive people and know that I would never have a chance with any of them because they like sausage. However, that definitely made it easier to dance around and not care what people thought. We stayed for about an hour and a half and decided to head home after stopping at the pizza place again.

We got home about 4am, and yet I managed to wake up at 9:30 this morning only slightly tired. I don't know what my body is so excited about that I needed to be up that early, but I'd like to sleep in until noon at least one day that I have left of summer. All I have to look forward to today is maybe going to the gym at noon and then going to work at 3pm. I probably won't have much to talk about this week unless something crazy happens to me before or after work. I work every single day until Sunday, so this is going to turn monotonous if I even update.

Today's Bubba's birthday. He's one of my roomies for those of you who don't know. He turned 21 and so I got him a gift certificate to his favorite eatery. He's a not too fantastic drunk, so there will be no drinking for him as long as I'm around. And even though he doesn't read this, Happy Birthday kid :)

Goals for the Week (since I don't know if I'll update much):
1) Make it through work and do well on my quiz so I don't get fired
2) Conquer this sickness
3) Make a new friend out of the girl at the gym who Melissa swears is gay
4) Go to daiquiri express just for the fun of it
5) Workout at least 5 days out of the 7 I work

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Yay Viruses!

Yesterday shall be marked in history as one of the worse sicknesses ever. I woke up to a sharp stabbing pain in my RUQ (right upper quadrant of my abdomen, see how I use ED terms in everything because it's fun). I figured that my sixth sense was just really intense and that it'd go away sooner or later.

Since I woke up around 10, I texted Melissa and suggested we go workout. By this time, nausea had started to wash over me, but it wasn't too bad. We went to the gym and got our workout on, with a very lax cardio session for me. By the time we got done, I still felt decently okay. Melissa invited me over to hang out and eat lunch, so I accepted and went home to take a shower.

Oh and here's an interjection to the best part of this horrible day: I finally got to talk to the boy in Austin :) It was short and sweet since I was going to workout, but definitely made my day. I know I'm stupid for getting so excited, but if only I could express how much he means to me, you'd understand.

Moving along, I get to her house, and I feel pretty lousy. I manage to eat a granola bar, but all I wanted to do was lie down. We watched the Axis of Evil comedy tour and I managed not to toss my cookies. About 45 minutes into the show, I decided to go home and take a nap so that maybe I'd feel better and could take my Nutrition final once I woke up.

My nap lasted for about an hour and I woke up feeling better. However, as soon as I got up to clean my room up a bit before I took my test, the sickness hit me worse than ever. I still managed to hold myself together, and I decided to take my test. About halfway into the test, I have to get up and vomit my guts out. If you know me, you know that I absolutely hate having to vomit and it's so embarrassing to have someone have to sit there and listen to me do so. I apologized a million times to Becca because it's disgusting to throw up. I could never be a Bulimic girl due to this. Anorexia all the way!

I managed to finish my test on time even with the interruption and managed to make a B on it. I do believe that was one of my goals, so that's at least one I achieved. Afterwards, I decided to go get my sister since we were supposed to go to Six Flags today. However, I still felt horrible when 9 pm rolled around, so I decided to call off the trip. Now we are going next Sunday and nothing's going to stop us. We have put off this trip four times now, and we are going even if I am dying or the sky is pouring down rain.

Anyhow, I managed to drive myself home from my mum's house with the help of some Phenergan gel. I called Melissa since we were supposed to find a retainer for her lip ring earlier in the day. She and Becca had been at a Bachelorette party, so they left and we went to two tattoo places trying to find one. In all my history of piercing/tattooing people, I have never met such an intelligent person as we did last night. Talk about knowing his stuff and being scientific about it. I think I may have blushed at the fact that I was pretty judgmental about all people working in these types of places, and he definitely proved me wrong. I just wonder what he wanted to do with his life before he decided to become a tattoo artist. He seemed to know so much science/medical stuff and I was very impressed. If I get anything done in the future, I'm going to him.

So now it's Saturday morning, and I feel better than I did yesterday. The constant stabbing pain has subsided and the nausea only comes back if I walk around. I have a horrible headache, but that might be from dehydration. I'll just keep chugging this gatorade and hope it helps. Since I'm not going to Six Flags, I really don't have any plans for today. We are still planning on going to Outlaws tonight since by 9 or 10 pm tonight I should be over this bout of sickness. Other than that, I may just lie in bed and watch ridiculous movies by myself. And I just picked up Catcher in the Rye again, so maybe I'll work on reading that.

Goals for Today:
1) Do not toss my cookies
2) Party at Outlaws
3) Feel better so work won't suck tomorrow
4) Clean my room a bit
5) Finalize my schedule for the Fall

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Is it Thursday?

My days have begun to run together and I've been off a day. I thought yesterday was today and that tomorrow was Saturday. I think all the sun I got while outside for the past two days have gotten to me.

So electrofishing was a lot of fun. If I had to do that every day for the rest of my life, I don't think I'd mind. And yes, I know you're thinking "Isn't that illegal?" but it's not when you have a permit.
We went to two different sites and caught a decent amount of fish. We loaded up all of our gear into two kayaks and a canoe and rowed down the river to the site of interest. We wore waders so that we wouldn't electrocute ourselves, and accidentally falling into the water doesn't hurt as bad as I thought. It happened once or twice and it feels like a small tingling. I think being electrocuted from an electrical outlet hurts way more than when falling into the electrified water. I think I prefer the netting of the fish and not so much as being in charge of shocking them. Everything's a competition when you're in the field, so competing for fish is a lot more fun.

We also helped out one of the Biology professors with his mussel surveying. It's fun to be on your hands and knees with water up to your face searching blindly for mussels sticking out of the gravel and sand. However, my thinning hair failed me again and I got a nasty sunburn on my head. This is probably the worst sunburn ever and it hurts like all get out. Was it worth being outside for almost ten hours, getting biten by horse flies, ramming your legs into hidden logs in the water, getting to know people and laughing at ridiculously stupid things because the sun has melted your brain? Totally.

My final for my nutrition class is tomorrow, which means there is only about a week and a half before the semester starts. I really want the summer to keep going so I can stay outside and love the sun for a while longer. However, the fall must come and so does my last fall semester at UTT. This is my last chance to make friends and befriend professors and make good grades. Yes, I do have the spring semester left, but by that time I'll be too occuppied with figuring out what to do with my life in the future. I know my friend Melissa is freaking out about the same thing, so we're in the same boat. Maybe in some weird alignment of the stars, we will both figure out where we're going in time to enjoy the coming semester.

Yesterday my friend Lisa came back into town after being gone for about two months at her new grad school. It was so good seeing her. We're going to Six Flags on Saturday and then when we get back we're going to Outlaws to party. I haven't been to a bar in this area, so it shall be an experience. I just hope to get hit on and have people buy me drinks because I can't afford them :)

Next week, I work every single day. This is probably good for me trying to eat healthier, since at work there is no food. However, that means I'll be uber tired by the time next Sunday rolls around. But seven days of eight hours means overtime pay so it's all good. I'm thinking about starting to run long distance again. The term "run" should be used lightly, since my run is probably everyone else's jog. Once I get my puppy back, I'll start jogging with him in the evenings so we both get some good exercise. I thought about maybe running the Tyler Half, but that might be asking for trouble. Seeing as how I haven't ran more than three miles in the past six months, it's not likely that I can magically pull out 13.1 miles in two months. Miracles do happen, but this is one that is very doubtful. I'll at least attempt to try and maybe I'll run one of the shorter races they have during that weekend.

Goals for Tomorrow:
1) Sleep in
2) Eat healthy all day
3) Make at least a B on my final
4) Jog some distance at a reasonable speed
5) Workout with Melissa
6) Organize my house
7) Buy books for school
8) Go to bed decently early

Monday, August 10, 2009

Monday Monday Monday

I guess those night shifts made my schedule off, because I definitely forgot about updating this. My life has not improved in entertainment value in the past couple of days. All I have done is work, go to the gym, and sleep.

I finished "Finding Alaska" and I have to say it was pretty good. Not a bad quick read and the writing style was nice. I might pick up another John Green book to try since I was informed that not all of them end up with death. I really want to read Catcher in the Rye again, but my copy is at my Mum's house. I'm just in that Holden Caulfield mood I guess.

My workouts have been pretty consistent this past week. I think I need to kick it up a notch and start doubling them though. Melissa and I ride the stationary bike for half an hour and then lift weights to work out backs, chest, and arms on most days. Every now and then we put a little leg workout in there, and I do believe her favorite is the hip adductor machine, that dirty hooker. The difference in my arms is nice and it's nice to feel stronger. Now all I need to do is tweak my eating habits so I can get that six pack I've always wanted. I think if I add an hour of cardio along with my workout with Melissa, I'll be on the right track. Maybe I'll finally be able to catch up with all of those sweet cross-country runners.

My nutrition class is almost over. I have my final this week and two assignments left. This class was pretty fun and easy. It's probably the only class that I've taken online that has required the least maintenance. It's mainly because I already know most of the material, but it is fun to learn new things. For example, today I learned the that pregnant women should gain around 30 lbs by the time they deliver and 2 lbs of that should be in their breasts. Score!

Two more weeks before school starts and I am ready to get my schedule finalized. I still haven't been able to get into an A&P lab, but I think if I can't, I'll just take the class. It's something I enjoy and hopefully someone will drop so I can get into the class I want and have a nicer schedule. Also, I might be the TA for Micro and so I need to figure that all out too. I hopefully will be able to confuse the poor micro students and be sly about telling them if their unknowns are correct :)

Tomorrow is electrofishing at 8:30 in the am. I'm going to try and wake myself up at 7:30 to go do sprints, but I accidentally took a nap earlier and so I probably won't sleep too well. I'm quite excited about being in the field again. I've missed it so. Let's hope my fish skills are as good as they were in the semester and that I don't get electrocuted :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Noonday Writings

I survived my two days of night shifts! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and there was actually some down time when I got to converse with the doctors. It's always fun to talk to them about what I should do: Should I try to go to Med school? Or should I go to P.A. school first? One of the P.A.'s told me that he deeply regretted not going to Med school, and actually got into a school four years ago, but he couldn't fathom giving up his income to go. They also of course pointed out that if I ever wanted to have children or a family, that PA school probably was best.

That's one thing that I think about, but I really don't have anyone to plan that sort of thing with. I'm not dating anyone, and the one person who I can't seem to get out of my head hasn't talked to me in weeks. I'm undecided about having children, but I figure I can always adopt a child if I waited until I was too old to have them myself. I think decisions of this sort would be easier if I was in a position where I was dating someone for a long time and we were thinking of marriage. Since I'm not, maybe I should be a bachelorette and say that I'll never have these least not anytime soon. Could I find someone to love me and have children when I'm over 30? Is this possible? This is a 20-generation area where people get married out of high school. I'll probably be the last of my friends to get married at this point. However, marriage shouldn't be that important to someone...but for some reason, I seriously have considered PA school just so I could possibly have a life and a family earlier in life. I just don't know.

When I got off work this morning, I walked into the parking lot and the nice security guard walked me to my car. I have to say that I really appreciated him calling me cute or pretty or whatever he said. Lately I've been feeling like I stick out and pretty wouldn't be the first thought that would come to mind if I looked in the mirror. Thanks security guard guy. Thanks for making sure no one kidnapped me, even though I'm sure they still could have because let's face it, we're about the same size. But mostly, thanks for telling me I'm pretty :)

After listening to hellogoodbye for so long, I've decided I want a eukelele again. I had one as a small child, but to have one now would be sweet. I could write ridiculous little songs about people and sing them to small crowds with my teeny case out so people could throw money at me. I had a dream that I wrote songs about some of the people who matter the most to me, but I don't remember any of the lyrics. Ukelele's are surely cheaper than a guitar, so maybe if I find some extra work somewhere I can afford to buy one.

As I mentioned before, I am reading "Finding Alaska" by John Green. As I got further into the reading, all I could do was think of the boy in Austin that I haven't talked to in almost a month. I don't know why, but I think in my sleepy state, I get super emotional. All rational thinking is slowed and emotions come easier. I almost starting crying reading this book, not necessarily because it was sad, but I had this horrible feeling that something like this would happen to me. Not me dying, or coming close, but rather have someone who I care deeply about but don't really know die and me feel absolutely horrible for not doing more when I could have. Perhaps I felt this because I was so tired, but it really bothered me. Oh, and Melissa, you hooker, what is with you suggesting things that seem so happy and enjoyable in the beginning that take a turn for the worse! Steve Prefontaine for example here. And now this book. How could you.

Today I'll have to do some Nutrition homework, but that won't take long. I'm going to workout with Melissa at some point today and then hopefully finish this book. Work tomorrow at noon, so I don't have to go to bed too terribly early. Hopefully my sleeping schedule will readjust and I won't fall asleep tomorrow at work.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Flipping The Clock

So yesterday was my first night shift in the ED. It wasn't too bad actually, but I definitely was very tired once 3 am rolled around. Luckily for me, the computer system had to be updated so I got to go home two hours early :) Kinda sucks in the money department, but oh well. While I was at work I started reading "Finding Alaska" by John Green. So far so good. I'm only on page forty, but I'll let you know how I like it once I finish.

Last night also marks the second time my looks have been discriminated against. All I have to say is that that person could only wish that I wanted to look at her junk. I'm going to have to start hanging out with more boys in public and make them hold my hand or something. It's ridiculous what a short haircut will make people think.

I went and worked out with my friend Melissa today around noonish. We try to go every day but with my ridiculous work schedule, it makes it hard. She's trying to lose weight and I want a six pack so we have our goals. Personally, I think she's doing better than I am, but I just need a kick in the rear and to stop giving into temptation. If I can wear the outfit that I want for the first day of school, I'll be happy :)

Yesterday I found out that I get to go electrofishing next Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm super excited because I love the river and I really just want to jump in and swim. Maybe I'll save the fun for after the research part, but I'm glad that I'll be out in the sun finally. Hopefully I'll be helpful and perhaps make some new friends. Research was how I made most of my friends last summer, so maybe this will be another opportunity :) It's only two days, but a lot can happen in that time.

One of my favorite bands just put out a new single and I love it :) Hellogoodbye's new song called "When We First Met" and it's freaking sweet. Perhaps you'll like it:

Okay so I have half an hour before I have to get ready for my second night shift. Let's hope this one goes as well as the first. I'll have another new doctor, and hopefully he'll be just as nice as the one I had last night. I really like the fact that the two people I work with during my shift are nice and actually talk to me. It makes the time go by and it's a lot more fun with conversation. Here's hoping for the best.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Slow Weekend

I just realized that when I started this blog forever ago that I had planned on making it a photo blog. Oops. I guess I should start taking more pictures! I'll probably have to start doing stuff too so there will be something photo worthy.

This weekend has been pretty bland. Didn't go anywhere or do anything. The highlight for me was getting to sleep in until noon and not have to worry about being on time anywhere. I like being lazy, but then again I wish I had some motivation to do something. I went to the store today and stocked up on some fresh fruits and vegetables. Hopefully what I bought will sustain me for the next week since I'm on a tight budget. I've never really had to worry about money, but the financial aid for the Fall semester isn't looking so good.

I had a dream last night that I decided to write a letter to the boy that I felt this deep connection with, even though I don't really even know him. I don't know if you'd call it love at first sight, but there was this emotion that was new and explosive. The song "Nineteen" by Tegan and Sara explains this perfectly. Anyhow, in my dream I wrote him a letter telling him all of my thoughts and feelings. In reality, it seems absurd to do something like this. However, I'm tempted to go Forest Gump style and write a letter every week. What will I say? How will they be accepted? Questions I don't quite know the answers to, but something in me wants to put myself out there. Then again, I could simply be distant and non-insistent. Maybe my dreams will tell me what to do.

Have you ever thought you had a sixth sense? I don't really know if this counts, but over the past couple of months I've developed a sense to know when something is terribly wrong with someone I care about. The only sad part is, I don't ever know who it is and the only indication I get is a horrible nauseating feeling. I went a whole month with every day being filled with nausea and calling people to find out if something was wrong. It ended up being my ex half the time, and other times it was people who I don't see all that much. I guess the world has finally found a more peaceful rhythm since I haven't experienced as many sick feelings. If I can keep up with this "sixth sense" I hope that I can get good enough to realize who it is that's having a horrible day or is in trouble. I know it sounds crazy, so think whatever you'd like.

Tegan and Sara is an awesome band if you haven't heard of them. Right now, I'm listening to "The Con" which is a great cd and one of my favorite songs on the album. You should check them out, maybe you'll like them. I don't even know if anyone reads this, but if you do, let me know if you like them.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Fridays Are Never Exciting

Waking up at 4 am is always so difficult when you don't go to bed until after 11. Work was the usual fun filled abdominal and chest pains with a mix of elderly people with ams. I really didn't do much of anything besides work. Nine hour shifts seem to suck all of the energy out of me. I came home, ordered pizza, and took a nap. At least I'll have a few days off so I can study for my upcoming Nutrition test.

My good friend Dave called me from California this evening. It's nice to know someone still thinks of me :) I'm quite jealous that he gets to do research in California while I'm stuck here in Texas. I love Texas and all, but California has always been a dream vacation place for me. Anyways, Dave won't be back in Texas until after the semester starts this Fall. Sad day. He promised to hang out with me when he gets back though, so I'll just have to hold out until then.

Tomorrow's plans to go to Six Flags have once again been rescheduled. It's supposed to rain and so we decided we'll go when the weather's supposed to be really nice. Tickets are only $25 right now, so hopefully by the time we go I can find someone to go with me. I don't want to be that loser person who has to ride all the rides by their self because no one likes them enough to go with them. Maybe I can talk someone into it. Six Flags is a good way to get to know someone, right? You have a couple hour drive to get there, then spend all day riding rides, and then the car ride home to talk and such. Maybe I'll meet someone new and ask them to go. Who knows.

So, August starts tomorrow. I think this is a good time to start something new. For August, I decided I'll try and get back into the shape I was back in May. May was when I got uber depressed and did nothing but workout and not eat crap. I was looking pretty darn good by June, which was when I went to Schlitterbahn and met the best guy ever. Of course, that didn't work out for me, but I think I need to go back to that fitness. I was happy with myself and I guess my confidence was evident. Here's the plan: I workout every day for at least an hour. Within this hour, I want to do at least 30 mins of cardio and 30 mins of weights. Of course, I did way more time than this back in May, but that's what I'm starting with for now. Along with working out, I have to eat better. No more eating out, or eating junk that my cardiologist would cringe about. Here's hoping I have the self-discipline to do it.

Today's my friend Walter's birthday. I tried to get him to come over, but he said he felt like staying home. Happy birthday Walter, if you ever read this :) Four days from now is another person's birthday, but out of fear of relapsing after not talking to them for three weeks now, I'll restrain from saying anything.

Instead of Six Flags tomorrow, I will hopefully get some Nutrition done, maybe go to the Lake, and workout and eat well. Hope that the Neches goes down so I can possibly go do some research this weekend or Monday.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

It's Been A While...

Yeah...a lot has happened since my last post. Nothing too interesting, just my own little drama. Let's have a short recap:

-Took the MCAT. Didn't do as well as hoped. Threw away any dreams of being a Dr and then was talked back into it. It's something I'm working on

-My love life has died. My ex is a dirty whore who sleeps with married women and uses craigslist to hook up with people. What the ? Who knew he would turn out to be so much like my father. It's actually very creepy. Why couldn't I have met him a year ago when people tell me he was so different?

-I had a crush that is also unfortunately over. There's always a better girl. I have bad timing and distance is an issue. I think I give up on having relationships for now.

-I started a new job working in the ED of the hospital where I was born. I like it a lot, and I really like the doctors I work with. I'm learning a lot of medical terminology and I can't ever look at anyone without physically examining them in my mind.

So one thing that taking standardized tests has shown me is that I'm a decent writer. That's why I decided I'd try to write in this more. Of course, I'm taking a risk writing a blog where it's public and people can find it. I've done this before and friendships were ruined. I also have to worry about my job being at risk because if they think I'm some psycho they'll fire me. I find it weird that you can be fired simply from what you write in a blog. It's never happened to me personally, but that's gotta suck. So if you disagree with something I say, voice your opinion. I don't mind as long as it's constructive.

Last Friday I decided to cut my hair off. Now for some girls, that means to a little bit above your shoulders. This is not the case. I whacked my hair off and I'm the first girl in my family to have hair above my ears. I really like it, but I do get a lot of looks that aren't so nice. I realize that I took a risk by cutting my hair this short, but I didn't expect to be publicly ridiculed.

For example: I went to McAlister's to eat with a good friend of mine and while I'm eating, these teeny bopper "I wear holister" girls took a picture of me and were laughing and making fun of me. The strong person would ignore it and go on with their life. However, it really bothered me. I realized I have anger issues when I felt like I should go over there and hit them in their cute little blonde faces. However, I restrained and tried to shrug it off. So little girl with a picture of me, I hope you like it. Go ahead and put it on your facebook page and title it with some homo comment if you please. I'm not a homo, but yes I know my hair sends that kind of message. Stereotyping sucks.

Last Friday I also went to a party after I got my hair cut. Half the people didn't recognize me and I got a lot of compliments which was nice. I like getting to parties when most people are already tipsy. It makes conversations easier and a lot more interesting. I have never talked to that many people at a party before. I talked to almost every person there. I talked to one guy in particular who has never talked to me before. Always been a kind of awkward situation because he was friends with my old roomie and I'm not a social butterfly type. He'd come over and I'd just kind of avoid the situation. I always thought he didn't like me, but then again, he could just be like me and avoid people.
We talked about school and his research stuff and he asked me to help him electrocute fish. I really miss being out in the sun all day in a kayak or canoe with nothing to worry about. I'd also get to work with one of my favorite teachers most likely. It'd be sweet if I actually have time to help out with this. Research looks decent on an application, but the fun you have is what makes it worthwhile.

Anyways, things to come soon in my life include a trip to Six Flags hopefully this weekend, lots of working, possible research involving fish, and time at the gym. I'm having some difficulty going to the gym with my work schedule but I'll find a way to fit it in. This chubby bunny needs to get tight so maybe I'll be the first pick instead of the fallback girl.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Photo Blog

So I've decided to start a photo blog so those of you who adore me can follow me through my days of summer. Perhaps that's conceited, but I'm sure someone will enjoy this.

So a little about me if you don't know me that well:
I'm a Senior Biology major at UTT
I'm extremely sarcastic
I'm trying to get into the best shape I've ever been
I really love swimming, animals, being outside, reading, playing sports (though I'm a sore loser)
I'm a vegetarian
I'm a sucker for cute boys
I have some really great friends (who I'll try to feature here)
I plan on running away from this town this summer
I've been told that I'm extremely weird
I consider myself bluntly honest, and I'm learning not to back down from confrontation

So today I started off waking up at 7am and I told myself that was far too early to wake up. I slept a little bit more until ten and woke up to a text message from my good friend Cody. Cody's been my saving grace lately and is probably one of the best people I have met while here in this town.

Tomorrow is my MCAT test, but I'm not going to worry about it. Recent developments in my life have made me question what I want to do with my life, so I'll take it and see how it goes. It'll probably be a lot easier since I won't feel too pressured because I have no clue about life right now.